Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
