I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
