you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
