It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
