I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
