3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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