I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
