i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
