I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
