Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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