Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize