Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
