I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
