I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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