needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
