Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
