and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
