So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
