Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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