she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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