i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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