My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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