It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
