Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
