i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
