so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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