It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize