I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I touched a dick in church today
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
