if i can run in heels then i can drive
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Help. Why am I so naked?
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