she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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