ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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