If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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