Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
