Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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