My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
