I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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