i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
