I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
