I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to calm my uterus...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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