When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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