I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
