Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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