before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
