I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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