Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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