You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
