u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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