she was so not down for the gang bang
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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