honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
