Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
