how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
