you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
