She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
