yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
