can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Actions speak louder than pants.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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