you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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