you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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