There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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