Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
then he tried to convert me to islam
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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