Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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