Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
