if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i will never coherently bang her
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The air was thick with penises
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
