He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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