opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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