A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
