I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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