you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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