first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
