I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's official drugs can't kill me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
