Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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