College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
