So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
