ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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