TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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