Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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