I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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