Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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