is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
