hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
